The moment where uncertainty meets certainty. You're so unsure but at the same time, you've never been more sure in your life. That's how it feels to make the decision to have fetal surgery. And I am not talking about the day I said yes to the surgery, I am talking about the day the IV is in, the hospital gown is on, and you're on your way down the hall. I had up until the last second to back out. But I didn't.
Two years ago, we went through with the surgery that allowed my daughter to have her back repaired before she was even born. It was the day that the cutest little butt ever entered the world, if only for a short time. We took a chance, and although we will never know what could have been if we hadn't done the surgery, but I am confident we make the right choice in choosing to jump in with both feet and eyes wide open. What I can tell you is that I have a new appreciation for water, showers, and driving. I have an appreciation for ultrasound techs, kind doctors, and NICU nurses who take the time to try to convince you to eat when they know you've had no sleep and haven't left your child's side all day. I have an appreciation for the smallest details, like toe twitches, ticklish feet, and seconds worth of head control. I have an appreciation for myself and a new found will to make things happen if I want them to happen. I also have an appreciation for this little bug we are raising and every little thing she says or does ;)
I cannot believe that our little peanut will be two years old in just a few months. Ever since we found out she had spina bifida, our lives have been moving so fast. All we can do is hold on and try not to miss anything. Happy second butt-day my darling!