Terrified.

Terrified is what I am. Callista will be undergoing a decompression surgery tomorrow at noon. It's a fairly common procedure for children with spina bifida, but not usually on babies as young as Callie. I had a good talk with her neurosurgeon this morning and he's confident in the procedure, but I'm still a nervous wreck. I'd feel better if there were more parents who had to do this so young, but after posting in forums, I only found two other parents who had to go through this around the same age, and these posts were old.

I spent all day just cuddling with her. The irrational part of me spent the day crying, wondering if this would be one of the last times I'd hold her, the last time I'd see her smile, the last time I'd hear her laugh. I know this isn't the way I should be thinking, and I'm trying so hard not to. Again, this is not the first child to have this surgery nor will she be the last. I do have faith that things will turn out just fine, and I truly hope this will solve her breathing problems and we can head towards going home. But even though I know these thoughts are irrational, it won't stop me from freaking out tomorrow when they take her off to the OR...

Please remember us in your prayers tomorrow and following surgery for a speedy recovery. We appreciate it so much and they're very much needed.