I'm very much in a foul mood today. I wasted an ENTIRE day at Children's Hospital because they wanted me to have consults there. By consult, they mean I pay for every single person I talk to, to answer "I don't know" to 99% of my questions. We got into our 11:30 appointment at almost 1:30 and were there from about 9:45 till 3:30. Needless to say, I'm cranky and bitter about the whole thing.
To top it off, no one ever wants to talk to me about anything else but this, and it's frankly starting to wear me down. I'm already stressed out enough without a million questions, from a million people every day. Every conversation turns to it, and I'm just tired of acknowledging it right now. There is nothing we can do or say to fix it, and I'm just done. After the day I had, I wish I wasn't even having a baby.
If one more person repeats the phrase "God gives special children to special parents" I'm going to hit them. GOD did not do this to me on purpose, this has nothing to do with God. And please, unless you've done this, unless you've gone through this same exact thing, do NOT tell me you know what I'm going through, or you understand what I'm feeling, because you DON'T. I realize you don't know what to say, and that's fine. Instead of saying everything will be okay or something of the like, just don't talk about it. I'd rather you ignore it than bring it up incessantly.
So not to offend anyone, but for the next two weeks, unless I bring it up or it's pertinent to the situation, I'm shutting down anyone who even talks about it. I'm tired and exhausted, and the last thing I want on my mind all the time is this, over and over again. It just sucks, and I'd like to go back to normal for a moment, rather than have to constantly think about whether my kid will walk, what she'll be able to feel, what she might or might not develop.
Like I said, it's been one big fat grumpy day for me, and I do still appreciate all your thoughts and prayers, but I need a break.... And yes, this is probably my anger phase of grief.
I'm sorry you had a rough day. I remember those days very well, and to be honest, I still have them and my Caleb is 6 years old now. But I remember pregnancy very well and I remember how I just didn't want to deal with it anymore, I didn't want to answer the questions anymore, but now Caleb is in kindergarten and he is AMAZING. I wish I had known how wonderful he would be, maybe I wouldn't have been so scared during pregnancy.
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