Callista

Callista

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Our little girl

Today was an extremely hard day for my family. We found out that our little one has Spina Bifida in the lowest part of her back. This is our first child, and all sorts of things are running through my mind right now... Where do we go from here, what's going to happen to her, what problems will we face in the future, will she be healthy? But mainly: what did we do to deserve this? To us, it seems we did everything right. We got married, then we got a house, then we decided to start a family. We consulted with the doctor, I took a million vitamins to get my body prepped, and we had all the serious discussions about parenting. All the right way, the way it's supposed to happen.  So you'd think we'd be the perfect parents of the perfect baby. We'll still have a wonderful baby, but there's such a long hard road ahead of us. At this point, I've cried for as long and hard as possible, and now I'm just beginning to feel bitter about all those moms who didn't even want or plan for their babies. I know it's wrong, and I don't intend to hold a grudge, but my grief is just progressing through the normal stages. Why, when we tried so hard to do things the right way, do we get something this awful? I was enjoying my pregnancy, but now it's a dark spot in my life and I don't know if I'll ever overcome that. This news literally sucked the light from what's supposed to be a joyous occasion for a husband and wife.

I'm going to try really hard after today to look more positively on the whole situation. There's no doubt in my mind that we'll love this baby girl more than anything in the world, but to help myself (and maybe eventually others who are in this same spot) I've decided to start a blog. Trust me, blogging has never been an interest of mine, but now, it's such a great outlet. It will also let me get out all my feelings, as well as share with anyone who cares to follow all at once, sparing me the repetition of a very heartbreaking journey.

So for my future daughter, Callista, here we are.

5 comments:

  1. Kimmy, I am so sorry for this trial. I applaud you for dealing with the grief and expressing yourself so well. Make sure you continue to surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Keep doing the right things. God is still in control. He's big enough to handle our questions and will still love you.

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  2. To our dear beautiful daughter. I want you to know you do not walk this journey alone we are there with you and so is God. And when you feel you not walk anymore God will carry you.We love you all so very much. You are a strong young woman and we will get through this as a family.

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  3. Kimmy I'm so sorry for you but so proud of you at the same time, you are being so strong. Keep faith in god he is the ultimate strength. You also have a great family that will be there for you if you need anything you can call me. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  4. Hi Kimmy. My name is Tammie, and we recently found out that the baby girl my son and his wife are expecting has spina bifida. We found out this week that Mavis and mommy don't qualify for the intrauterine surgery. Now we wait. I found your blog and FB page just searching for insight. Thank you for your bravery in sharing your story. I know it will help us on our journey.

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  5. Hi Kimmy. My name is Tammie, and we recently found out that the baby girl my son and his wife are expecting has spina bifida. We found out this week that Mavis and mommy don't qualify for the intrauterine surgery. Now we wait. I found your blog and FB page just searching for insight. Thank you for your bravery in sharing your story. I know it will help us on our journey.

    ReplyDelete